Because I Love You, Suzaku Kururugi
by maddiethurowthealchemist
Summary: Lelouch used his Geass on his best friend, Suzaku, commanding him to stay alive. Suzaku is confused and wants to know why Zero of all people did it. Can Lelouch get it across to him in a way that won't make him hate him? Or will he even believe him? WARNINGS INSIDE. Please R & R! A lot of Angst, as well.


A/N: EVERYTHING IS SUZALULU AND NOTHING HURTS. XD Oh, note, in this FanFiction, Suzaku wasn't Euphie's knight, and she isn't dead, even if she was past or before episode 18.

Title: Because I Love You, Suzaku Kururugi

Summary: Lelouch Lamperouge used his Geass on his best friend, Suzaku Kururugi, commanding him to stay alive. Suzaku is confused and wants to know why Zero of all people did it. Can Lelouch get it across to him in a way that won't make him hate him? Or will he even believe him?

Warnings: Spoilers for episode 18 of R1 (I believe the name of the episode was _I Order You, Suzaku Kururugi_), OOCness (I think so, anyway.), Suzalulu (yaoi), and angst for awhile, and a stubborn Lelouch and Suzaku XD.

Disclaimer: I don't own Code Geass, Suzaku, or Lelouch. *cries*

_These are Suzaku's thoughts, __**Lelouch's thoughts, **__and italics to emphasize something, except in the one flashback._

The 8 words kept echoing in his head: "_Suzaku Kururugi, I command you to live!_" _Why did Zero of all people say that to me?_ Suzaku didn't understand why Zero commanded it, or more importantly, why he followed it.

Lelouch Lamperouge, also known as Zero, was there that day. He saw his best friend Private Kururugi, or rather, Suzaku Kururugi, in his Lancelot, and death was coming right at him. Lelouch had gone into a state of panic, and used his Geass to command Suzaku to stay alive. He didn't want to witness his best friend's death right in front of his very eyes. Who would?

Ever since that day, Suzaku was acting different. More...distant. Lelouch began to get worried, of course. Lelouch passed Suzaku, giving him the sign they used since childhood, to meet up on the roof. Suzaku nodded as Lelouch left the room.

Lelouch waited for Suzaku to arrive, and after a few minutes, he turned around when he heard footsteps. "Hey." Suzaku said, giving a small smile. "Hi." Lelouch said, returning the smile. "So, how are-" he was cut off. "Suzaku. What's wrong with you lately?" Lelouch asked, raising an eyebrow. "I don't know what you mean." Suzaku said. "You haven't been yourself. And don't tell me it's nothing, because I know your lying." Lelouch stated. "I'm confused, Lelouch." Suzaku said. "About?" Lelouch asked.

"Why I'm alive. Zero, out of _all _people, commanded _me _to stay alive. And now I can't die. I said I'd die fighting for my country, but now I can't! Why would he do that to me?!" Suzaku exclaimed. Lelouch's eyes widened and were downcast. "He had a good reason for doing that..." Lelouch said. "How would you know?" Suzaku asked.

"It was me, Suzaku." Lelouch admitted. "Your just messing with me." Suzaku laughed. "No I'm not. I was there." Lelouch said, and he was dead serious. Suzaku's memories of that day came flooding back to him. _There's no way... _Suzaku was trying to process it all. "That could only mean..." Suzaku began. "That I'm Zero, the one who commanded you to live. It was me." Lelouch stated. "Lelouch, how could you...?!" Suzaku rose his voice slightly.

"What did you want me to do?! Sit back and watch my best friend's life be taken in front of my very eyes?! You were about to _die_, I panicked!" Lelouch also rose his voice. "I told you if I were to die, it would be to change Britannia and have equality!" Suzaku exclaimed. "WHY CAN YOU _NOT _SEE THE BRITANNIAN GOVERNMENT IS USING YOU?!" Lelouch yelled. "They aren't! You don't know their intentions, Lelouch!" Suzaku stated. "Did you _seriously _just say that? I am part of the royal family, am I not? Of _course _I know their intentions, better than anyone! I _know _what they're going to do to you, Suzaku!" Lelouch said, clearly stressed out.

"Which is _what_, Lelouch?" Suzaku asked, crossing his arms over his chest. "Your the only Japanese soldier among the whole Britannian army. Your nothing but an _Eleven _to them. Sure they gave you the Lancelot to operate, but have you not noticed anything? Every mission your assigned to gets increasingly dangerous each time!" Lelouch explained. "Why does it matter to you if I die?" Suzaku asked, like it was a normal question. _**You idiot...**_

"Why would you even ask me that?" Lelouch asked. "Because, it doesn't matter to you. You have killed thousands of innocent people. And if you can do that...then my life wouldn't matter to you at all." Suzaku said, stubbornly. "Why do you think I gave you that order?! I _do _care! I love you, Suzaku Kururugi!" Lelouch stressed.

Suzaku's eyes widened. This was Zero. A terrorist, a murderer...no. Right now, this was Lelouch Lamperouge. "What did you just say?" Suzaku asked. "Nothing." Lelouch began to walk away before any farther action could take place. "Say it again, Lelouch." Suzaku ordered. "No." Lelouch said, being stubborn.

"Lelouch." Suzaku said, gripping his arm. Lelouch turned around and looked at Suzaku. "I said...I love you, Suzaku Kururugi." Lelouch confessed. Suzaku's eyes widened. Lelouch saw Suzaku's reaction, and out of sheer guilt, began to walk away again. "Lelouch!" Suzaku exclaimed, running and getting a tight grip on Lelouch's hand.

Lelouch didn't turn around. "Lelouch, look at me. Please." Suzaku asked, almost pleadingly. As much as he didn't want to, he did anyway. _**I can handle conflict with Britannia, but I can't handle this situation?! **_Suzaku pulled Lelouch to his side, and saw all the guilt in Lelouch's eyes. Suzaku smiled a little at him, and didn't let go of his hand.

"I love you too, Lulu." Suzaku said. "Your lying." Lelouch said, his answer almost immediate. Lelouch tried to yank away out of his grip, but Suzaku was too strong. "Lelouch." Suzaku sternly stated. _**Don't call my name in that voice...don't make me fall in love with you even more. You don't know how much I love you. Stop hurting me... **_"Let go of me." Lelouch coldly replied. Oh, how the tables had turned. Now it was _Lelouch's _turn to be angry. "Lelouch, stop. Just, _stop _already!" Suzaku exclaimed. "Stop what, Suzaku?" Lelouch questioned. "Running away from me. From _this_." Suzaku stated.

"You hate me now, Suzaku. You don't have to pretend." Lelouch replied, hurt in his eyes. _**You don't have to lie to me anymore... **_Suzaku grabbed Lelouch by the collar of his school uniform, and yanked him harshly forward. Lelouch flinched a little, but then his face turned a bright shade of pink realizing there was hardly any space between him and Suzaku's chests. "I may not agree with what you do when your Zero..." Suzaku began, inching closer to Lelouch.

"But...that doesn't stop me from loving Lelouch Lamperouge." Suzaku said, and Lelouch's face was only centimeters apart from Suzaku's, feeling Suzaku's warm breath, only heating his face up more, turning it a brighter shade of pink. _Lelouch, why don't you believe me? _"Suzaku-" Lelouch couldn't say anything more as Suzaku's lips pressed lightly against Lelouch's in a chaste kiss.

Lelouch didn't react. Suzaku pulled away, and tipped up Lelouch's chin so he was looking at him. "I love you." Suzaku said. "I'm Zero." Lelouch stated, still not letting it go. "I don't care. I love you, Lelouch." Suzaku said. "And I love you, Suzaku." Lelouch said back, smiling a little.

Suzaku went back in for a kiss, and as their lips crashed together, Suzaku did it with enough force both of their lips would be bruised. _**He was always so strong. **_It was full of passion and desperation, because they needed each other. Lelouch put his arms around Suzaku's neck, pulling him as close as he could. While Lelouch did that, Suzaku's hands found themselves at Lelouch's side.

They both pulled away to breathe, and Suzaku stroked Lelouch's cheek, kissing his hand. "I love you, Lelouch." Suzaku said. _**I know what I have to do.**_

Lelouch looked upset, and Suzaku was confused. "Lelouch?" Suzaku asked. All he got in response was one more desperate bruising kiss. When Lelouch pulled away, he looked so upset.

"Suzaku Kururugi, I command you to forget everything and anything you knew about Lelouch Vi Britannia and erase him completely from your mind forever." Lelouch choked out, his Geass being put into effect.

All that remained was Lelouch, crying his eyes out, collapsing to the floor, and Suzaku, who didn't know the boy next to him or why he was crying any longer.

_**I told you not to hurt me, but I hurt you more than you ever hurt me. That's why I just did this. I didn't want it to be this way. I will always love you, Suzaku Kururugi. I always have, and I always will. You have no idea how much I love you. In my dreams, we can still be happy and in love. Or maybe even in another life. I just want to be with you. Because, I love you, Suzaku Kururugi, and taht's why I did all these things. It was all for you. I love you. Forever. In the next life and now and in my dreams, and I'll just fall in love all over again, and fall harder for you. **_

A/N: IT'S DONE. I feel like there was too much OOCness on my part, and I apologize! I was so pissed, I typed this all out and then my program quit responding, so I had to retype it. I'M SORRY FOR OOCNESS! Please R & R and thank you! JUST REMEMBER, EVERYTHING IS SUZALULU, AND _**NOTHING **_HURTS. XD Lelouch Vi Britannia commands you to read and review! XD

-Maddie


End file.
